Priorities

This time last year I was still marveling over the whispers God placed in my ears and imbedded in my heart:

- “you…such a time as this”

- I rescued you from your own self, from your sins, and from your past;

your future was doomed without Me.

- You have a letter – share it boldly, in My name

- You know women who will help, pray, guide, encourage…

elicit them, ask them.

- Look, I gave you my son, birthed in the dirtiness of a barn,

what are you waiting for? Do it now, if for Me.

With the prayers, technical assistance, and encouragement of a few ladies, this site was pulled together and launched in less than one month. I was blown away by not only the help, but by the immediate response. By the need.

With the initial launch, and for the first few posts, many people visited. I looked at the site meter. Of course I did. Then two weeks later, we moved again, our second move in four months. It took some time to get semi-settled and to get things rolling here. Next, things waned here and visits spiraled down and admittedly my focus got hazy and my selfLESSness got out of whack.

I regrouped, refocused, and repurposed because your healing is what matters. Even when I have been absent in words, you have been as close as my every heartbeat. I felt (and still feel a bit awkward) that I have let you down. But then God comes and shine His bright light of Truth and I realize that if this ministry's whole purpose was to free one woman in the first week of its launch, then it all has been well worth it.

Due to the variables of my family's recent relocation saga, we moved again last month. Our third move in just over one year. So, absent I have been again. Hopefully this leg of our journey will last more than a few months as we finally found a home to buy. So, here I am once more, knee-deep in boxes, clutter, and disorganization. Folks, this is not the way I want to start a new year. Not only is my home a mess, but honestly, I fear that my heart is also a mess. Again.

I wanna start things right with the ringing in of a new year.

- Who doesn't?

I wanna be organized.

- Who doesn't?

I wanna do something spectacular this year.

- Who doesn't?

I wanna, I wanna, I wanna...

That is beginning to sound a lot like whining. And I don't know about you, but whining is b-aaad. It shreds me like moldy cheese over a grater. I do not like it. I don't tolerate it from my kid so why do I tolerate it from the recesses of my own heart? Me, me, me, I , I, I.

Like most of you, I need a Titus 2 leader in my life. Someone who speaks only His Truth, someone who encourages, and someone who understands real women seeking God. Someone who understands that the seeking and chasing oftentimes includes slipping and falling and standing and reaching, yet again.

Please take some time to either listen to and/or read these podcasts and articles by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. She is leading women along a path of PRIORITIES for the upcoming new year. Even though I don't know her in-person, I know her in sisterhood of Christ and sometimes she helps fill that Titus 2 woman gap for me.

"Now, I want to begin today, and over the next several days, to share some thoughts about how to get our priorities in the right order. We’re especially focusing on this matter of how we use our time—priorities as they relate to our time. What I’m going to do is to take the word priorities—priorities—and make an acronym out of it, with each of those letters, suggesting something that will help us get our priorities in order." (Nancy Leigh DeMoss)

I think her teachings will help me (and possibly you too?) to trade the Me, me, me, I, I, I for the Him! Him! Him! Let's trade the whining for the shining.

Your wounds matter.

The healing of your hearts and the renewing of your minds matter. You matter to me. And most importantly, to God.

Dec. 27: State of Bondage

"Asking Him to order my steps . . . Once I’ve inquired of Him, and I’ve been in His Word and on my knees and sought His heart and believed that He has directed me, then I can trust that even if that decision puts pressure on me, that there will be grace to deal with that pressure." (DeMoss)

Dec. 28: Review God's Priorities

"Now, here’s the concept that has challenged me over the years, and I have to go back to this every day of my life. If I’m too busy to cultivate my relationship with God by the means of grace God has provided for me, then I’m too busy. Then something is wrong and something has to change." (DeMoss)

In the spirit of Truth, let us join together and encourage one another, to love God, and to love others. But before we can do that...we need to get our priorities straight, not only for the new year, but for our new hearts in Christ.

Friends, please feel free to leave comments, send emails, and/or link here to Healing Hearts, Renewing Minds. What started out last year as a place of rest and redemption for post-abortion women (& men), will broaden this year to include all the wounded.

We all have pasts. We have hurts. But by the grace and love of Christ, He holds our todays and our tomorrows. Are you ready for a new year and a new you--in Him?

Let us humbly pray:

Father God, You hold each one of us in the palm of Your gracious hand and You love us with a love so big nothing can compare. Some of us come to You and willingly hand over all of our tattered and ripped baggage while others cling to broken luggage, unwilling and unable to surrender the wounds. Lord, I ask that You give each one the strength to release their grasp on their past so that You will be able to heal and renew with redemption, restoration and love. Lord, let this be a place, a community where folks find Truth, encouragement and safety. Lead us by the Light of Your Truth. In Jesus' name, amen.

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. (Matthew 6:33 NKJV)

Jesus said to him, “ ‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ (22:37)

Unclenching

Earlier today I saw this video clip and as I watched the man at the chalk board, the person I actually saw was me. What about you, who do you see?

What are you clenching so tight in your fist today?

Is it worthy of your sweaty grip? Really?

Are you ready to uncurl every single thing that squeezes your heart?

Are you willing to let go so that you can let God in?

Sometimes the sin and shame and guilt and unforgivenss become so much a part of us that we no longer recognize them as not belonging. Did you get that? Not belonging. I carried my sin and shame and guilt in not only clenched hands, but in a clenched heart. It is true, the more I clenched my heart, the less I let out.

But the contrary is also true. My unyielding grip to my unsurrendered secrets also prevented God's healing and renewing from coming in.

God, who made the world and everything in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made with hands.

Nor is He worshiped with men’s hands, as though He needed anything, since He gives to all life, breath, and all things.

And He has made from one blood every nation of men to dwell on all the face of the earth, and has determined their preappointed times and the boundaries of their dwellings, so that they should seek the Lord, in the hope that they might grope for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us...

~ Acts 17:24-27 (NKJV)

Sin and shame and guilt and unforgiveness do not belong to you. Friends, it is time to open your fist and join hands with someone in prayer. Friends, it is time to open your heart and mind so Christ's redeeming blood can freely pump through your entire body, cleansing you from the inside out.

...the very points on which you refuse to surrender will become "enemies" that rule over you...

For those of us who are followers of Christ, any resistance to the will of God will keep us from enjoying and abundant life and will create barriers in our fellowship with God.

Christian surrender means that a person lifts his or her hands and says to God, "Here I am; You take over; I belong to You!"

~ Nancy Leigh DeMoss; Surrender,

book included in A Revive Our Hearts Trilogy

entitled Brokenness, Surrender, Holiness;

Moody Publishers, 2008

What about you, did you see your reflection in that video clip? I pray it was in the part of unclenching.

Let us humbly pray:

Father God, we come before you this day with obedience to Your will for each of our lives. And in doing so we ask that You help us open our hands and hearts and minds so we can trade our burdens for Your freedom and Truth and forgiveness and love. We want to live surrendered lives that bring glory to Your name. Lord, I ask that you give each of us the strength to do so. In Jesus' name, amen.

* Please, check out these posts by Jennifer, one of our Healing Hearts, Renewing Minds sisters.

- week 1

- week 2

Also, stop by here with Lelia for more insight on Jennifer & Lelia's current book study, Surrendering the Secret.

* For my story and to see how God placed this ministry on my heart, please go here.

Silence & Secrecy

"Over the years,

as we learn to live in silence and secrecy,

many of us end up with a large stockpile of hurts

that we've buried deep inside ourselves."

~ Pat Layton, Surrendering the Secret: Healing the Heartbreak of Abortion,

Lifeway Press, 2008, p. 30

Silence.

Secrecy.

Those two things will rot you from the inside-out. But like me, maybe you think you will be okay, just as long as you can keep stuffing it down and burying it. Let me tell you, that does not work. Not at all.

What's interesting is that the unresolved things (be it an abortion or abuse or neglect or substance abuse) actually attract more hurt. For me, I had issues of not being heard in connection to my teenage abortion. So, from fourteen years old and on, I was tormented with misconceptions and lies that no one wanted to listen to me. That no one thought what I had to say was important. That no one thought I was worthy enough to hear.

Oh how we attempt to hide in blankets of silence and try to smother the reality of our past in vows of secrecy. But in doing so, we still carry those lies with us into relationships and marriage. Those secrets somehow morphed into lies. And those lies seeped into our heads and hearts as reality. Ugh. What a crazy cycle. It is no wonder women (and men) have a hard time in surrendering their secrets. The secrets get so entangled and ingrained that it becomes difficult to discern fact from fiction.

How I interpreted almost every single thing someone said or did to me, was filtered through those rotten, ratty blankets. What came out on the other side was tainted heavy with lies. My basis for me as a daughter, wife, sister, and friend was wrought with lies and misunderstandings. Even though I may have looked fine on the outside, inside I was a mess. My relationships were a mess.

Then I met Jesus and asked Him to be the Lord of my life. But I still kept secrets. And I still kept silent. Why and how would He forgive the mess I had made? When I had no place else to look, but up, He worked miracles and sent women into my life to help me surrender. Surrender it all.

Although others held my hands and my heart and showed me His Truth in my Bible, I learned that God is the only One could untangle those blankets of shame and guilt and unforgiveness.

He was and still is the One who can take those stockpiled hurts and change them into mounds of grace.

And heaps of love.

And piles of forgiveness.

For you were once darkness,

but now you are light in the Lord.

Walk as children of light

(for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness,

righteousness, and truth),

finding out what is acceptable to the Lord.

And have no fellowship

with the unfruitful works of darkness,

but rather expose them.

~ Ephesians 5:8-11

Friends, you must let Him in your house. If you are tired of suffering in silence and secrecy, fling open the front door to your heart. And invite Him in!

When I met Him at the cross and surrendered my secret, the foundation of who I thought I was and the foundation of how I based my self-worth came tumbling and crumbling down. In its place, God built a new house. As that stockpile of lies were incinerated, He filled my rooms with Truth. Now my foundation is strong. My walls are solid.

Please, check out these posts by Jennifer, one of our Healing Hearts, Renewing Minds sisters.

- week 1

- week 2

And stop by here with Lelia for more insight on the current book study, Surrendering the Secret.

Let us humbly pray:

Father God, please touch each one reading this today. If they are suffering in shrouds of silence and secrecy, give them strength to seek You. Give them direction to find someone who will support them on their journey of surrendering it all into Your hands. Bless each one with all that they need to build their foundations on Truth and love and mercy. In Jesus' name, amen.

For my story and to see how God placed this ministry on my heart, please go here.

A Lie Believed

God really quite clearly put the message for this week on my heart. It is amazing how He works. And when we take the time to piece the puzzle together, quite often a beautiful image has formed from the jagged parts.

Most are familiar with the well-known Christian author Karen Kingsbury. While perusing the library bookshelves, I found her stash. And wouldn't you know it, just at that moment my husband and son were next to me and ready to go. I just gabbed two books, quite randomly, or so I thought. One of them was entitled Shades of Blue. Little did I know that it was a post-abortion story of redemption, acceptance, healing, forgiveness and love. As Mrs. Kingsbury's website says about the book, "Three people must work through the repercussions of a decision made long ago before any of them can look toward a new future."

Yes, even as much as we stuff and hide and pretend, the fact that we had an abortion is still there. It clings to the very network of vessels that run throughout our bodies. The trauma, the pain, the guilt, the sadness, the shame, the fear, all of it, it is still within us. Oh yes, some do a better job of looking good on the outside than others. Some can pretend so well. But pretending isn't what Jesus calls us to do. Friends, there is healing and wholeness in Him.

I devoured the book in one day and night. I knew Mrs. Kingsbury would weave a cloth of healing for all involved. She does that sort of thing with her characters. What I liked from the book is that she made the memories so heartbreakingly real that I didn't dare set the book down. I am healed. I am free. So in reading the story, I was only that frightened and confused teenager for a minute. Because Jesus is way bigger than my mistakes and my pain and my regret, I was able to read it through. And in doing so, I realized once again how many women (and men) are suffering in silent agony. Bumping shoulders in the check-out line, but not sharing broken hearts at church. Hiding. We are good at that.

Then this morning I looked back at my journal entry from one year ago today. I wrote of how God was speaking to me to do something with my post-abortion healing. I wrote about following God's will in the endeavor to lead others to the cross too. And at the bottom of the page I wrote

an idol can be a lie believed

Ouch. I remember that. How that truth pierced my heart back then. And how it pierces my heart again today. It is easy to say we don't have idols. Yeah, especially us church-going, Bible-study attending women. Me? Not me. Even if one of the more commonly recognised things of today (like money or shopping or your home or your wardrobe or any number of things) is not an idol in your life, there are other not-so-talked-about things can creep into that spotlight.

Things like believing you do not need God's mercy and grace.

Things like believing no one will understand.

Things like believing you are the only one.

Things like believing you are meant to suffer alone.

Things like believing your sin is too big.

On second thought, do you have any idols?

God kept putting this message on my heart... After reading last year's journal entry, I flipped to my reading for today.

Mark 7

Defilement Comes from Within

Then the Pharisees and some of the scribes came together to Him, having come from Jerusalem. Now when they saw some of His disciples eat bread with defiled, that is, with unwashed hands, they found fault. For the Pharisees and all the Jews do not eat unless they wash their hands in a special way, holding the tradition of the elders. When they come from the marketplace, they do not eat unless they wash. And there are many other things which they have received and hold, like the washing of cups, pitchers, copper vessels, and couches.

Then the Pharisees and scribes asked Him, “Why do Your disciples not walk according to the tradition of the elders, but eat bread with unwashed hands?”

(7:1-5 NKJV)

-> Religious leaders were very busy looking holy. They focused on outward appearances, rather than honoring God.

He answered and said to them, “Well did Isaiah prophesy of you hypocrites, as it is written:

‘This people honors Me with their lips,
But their heart is far from Me.
And in vain they worship Me,
Teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.’

(7:6-7)

--> As the Life Application Study version of my New King James Version Bible says in regard to this reading, hypocrisy is "pretending to be something you are not and have no intention of being.

It goes on to say that "we become hypocrites when we pay more attention to reputation than to character."

Friends, are you a hypocrite? I was. Although I didn't purposefully and intentionally sit there in my pew condemning those who had suffered abortions, I condemned myself. I thought I was not worthy of healing. I thought I was unforgivable. In all, I thought too lowly of myself. I became a backward hypocrite. A hypocrite nonetheless.

I had placed my (mistaken) unworthiness above the love of Jesus. A lie (or a bunch of them) believed had indeed become my idol.

When He had entered a house away from the crowd, His disciples asked Him concerning the parable. So He said to them, “Are you thus without understanding also? Do you not perceive that whatever enters a man from outside cannot defile him, because it does not enter his heart but his stomach, and is eliminated, thus purifying all foods?”

(7:17-19)

--> Also stated in those wonderful study notes regarding this passage Jesus explains how "sin begins in the attitude of the inner person."

I wreaked of that sin. The aroma of that sin, of believing I was unworthy, was a rotten stench. It wafted into every nook and cranny of my life. Now, in hindsight, I can see how it tainted my relationship with my husband. I can see how the stink lingered on my clothes, how I took it with me wherever I went. To town, to the grocery store, to church. I filtered what other people said through that sieve of lies. Friends, that is not a good thing to do. Everything comes out a bigger mess.

From there He arose and went to the region of Tyre and Sidon. And He entered a house and wanted no one to know it, but He could not be hidden. For a woman whose young daughter had an unclean spirit heard about Him, and she came and fell at His feet. The woman was a Greek, a Syro-Phoenician by birth, and she kept asking Him to cast the demon out of her daughter. But Jesus said to her, “Let the children be filled first, for it is not good to take the children’s bread and throw it to the little dogs.”

And she answered and said to Him, “Yes, Lord, yet even the little dogs under the table eat from the children’s crumbs.”

Then He said to her, “For this saying go your way; the demon has gone out of your daughter.”

And when she had come to her house, she found the demon gone out, and her daughter lying on the bed.

(7:24-30)

--> Friends, just like this woman, come to Jesus! Come as you are. Fall at His feet. She compared herself to the little house dogs that were pets of that day. She said she was willing to eat from not the crumbs, but the children's crumbs that fell to the floor. The crumbs that the little doggies ate.

Be that woman!

She not only believed that if she just got a tiny morsel of what Jesus offered, her daughter would be healed, but she humbled herself. She likened herself to a dog. No, I don't think she did it in a negative way. I can only imagine that she was glad to be in Jesus' presence. That she was so filled with faith that she only desired an itty-bitty piece of His healing.

Friends. God clearly spoke to me over the last couple of days. And He put you, yes you, front and center on my heart. Don't pretend things are okay with your heart and mind. Whether or not you suffer from having had an abortion, chances are high that you believe some lie. Chances are that you have made an idol out of that lie. And unfortunately you may have made a hypocrite of yourself in the process.

Don't stop looking for crumbs. In fact, get out from under the table. Pull up a chair. Sit next to me. And let us look to the head of the table at the seat reserved for our Healer. Our God. Just ask. I know He will pass you a gigantic heaping of healing and renewing.

Just like the characters in Shades of Blue, you also will find clarity and Truth at the foot of the cross.

Let us humbly pray:

Lord God, help us this day to put none before You. If there are idols in our lives, even though they may be unintentional and unrecognized, help us to see them for what they are. Lord replace lies with Truth. You are the ultimate Healer. Don't let undiagnosed hypocrisy ruin who you want us to be in You. Father, just as this book and Your Words in Mark spoke clear to me over the last couple of days, use something to speak clear to other women and men who are haunted by their past. Please bring them to a place of healing and renewing. In Jesus' name, amen.

Do consider reading the book I spoke of in today's post. It is an insightful and tender look at how abortion torments not only women, but men. Girls and boys. Mrs. Kingsbury shares a personal story in the post script that demonstrates how each of us (even if we haven't personally suffered the trauma) has the capacity to influence those who wrongly think abortion is their only option.