Silence & Secrecy

"Over the years,

as we learn to live in silence and secrecy,

many of us end up with a large stockpile of hurts

that we've buried deep inside ourselves."

~ Pat Layton, Surrendering the Secret: Healing the Heartbreak of Abortion,

Lifeway Press, 2008, p. 30

Silence.

Secrecy.

Those two things will rot you from the inside-out. But like me, maybe you think you will be okay, just as long as you can keep stuffing it down and burying it. Let me tell you, that does not work. Not at all.

What's interesting is that the unresolved things (be it an abortion or abuse or neglect or substance abuse) actually attract more hurt. For me, I had issues of not being heard in connection to my teenage abortion. So, from fourteen years old and on, I was tormented with misconceptions and lies that no one wanted to listen to me. That no one thought what I had to say was important. That no one thought I was worthy enough to hear.

Oh how we attempt to hide in blankets of silence and try to smother the reality of our past in vows of secrecy. But in doing so, we still carry those lies with us into relationships and marriage. Those secrets somehow morphed into lies. And those lies seeped into our heads and hearts as reality. Ugh. What a crazy cycle. It is no wonder women (and men) have a hard time in surrendering their secrets. The secrets get so entangled and ingrained that it becomes difficult to discern fact from fiction.

How I interpreted almost every single thing someone said or did to me, was filtered through those rotten, ratty blankets. What came out on the other side was tainted heavy with lies. My basis for me as a daughter, wife, sister, and friend was wrought with lies and misunderstandings. Even though I may have looked fine on the outside, inside I was a mess. My relationships were a mess.

Then I met Jesus and asked Him to be the Lord of my life. But I still kept secrets. And I still kept silent. Why and how would He forgive the mess I had made? When I had no place else to look, but up, He worked miracles and sent women into my life to help me surrender. Surrender it all.

Although others held my hands and my heart and showed me His Truth in my Bible, I learned that God is the only One could untangle those blankets of shame and guilt and unforgiveness.

He was and still is the One who can take those stockpiled hurts and change them into mounds of grace.

And heaps of love.

And piles of forgiveness.

For you were once darkness,

but now you are light in the Lord.

Walk as children of light

(for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness,

righteousness, and truth),

finding out what is acceptable to the Lord.

And have no fellowship

with the unfruitful works of darkness,

but rather expose them.

~ Ephesians 5:8-11

Friends, you must let Him in your house. If you are tired of suffering in silence and secrecy, fling open the front door to your heart. And invite Him in!

When I met Him at the cross and surrendered my secret, the foundation of who I thought I was and the foundation of how I based my self-worth came tumbling and crumbling down. In its place, God built a new house. As that stockpile of lies were incinerated, He filled my rooms with Truth. Now my foundation is strong. My walls are solid.

Please, check out these posts by Jennifer, one of our Healing Hearts, Renewing Minds sisters.

- week 1

- week 2

And stop by here with Lelia for more insight on the current book study, Surrendering the Secret.

Let us humbly pray:

Father God, please touch each one reading this today. If they are suffering in shrouds of silence and secrecy, give them strength to seek You. Give them direction to find someone who will support them on their journey of surrendering it all into Your hands. Bless each one with all that they need to build their foundations on Truth and love and mercy. In Jesus' name, amen.

For my story and to see how God placed this ministry on my heart, please go here.