The Light

Admittedly, sometimes I struggle with this ministry blog. I think I am too eager to see God moving in other peoples lives. Too eager to see healing. And renewing. And sometimes I even feel guilty for sitting comfortably in front of a computer screen, merely plunking out words while others are on the battlefront lines, caring for the brokenhearted and holding actual hands in theirs. But isn't that just where the nasty little enemy would have me--wallowing around in a state of confusion and doubt?

I plainly heard God speak to me, so I obeyed by starting this ministry site. Friends, I want your broken hearts and tangled minds to heal. I want God to find you and you to let Him in. Oh, how I yearn for this. Selfishly I want to know of your healing and your renewing in Christ. For when it happened to me, I became a new woman. And then when I wrenched my abortion secret from the drowning depths of my heart, He rescued me again.

He rescued me again.

He wants to rescue you too. He yearns for this. He wants yo to be a new woman too.

As I plunk keyboards and pound the gates with prayers, my friend and sister in Christ, Jennifer, boldly leads women to hope and healing as a Surrendering the Secret leader. In addition to her ministry calling, her job involves birth moms and birthed babies and adoption papers. She is part of my outstanding HHRM prayer team and is the captain of its cheering squad. She is hands-on in healing, in walking the bumpy road with others, sending encouragement, bowing in prayer, detouring women away from the deceptive doors of abortion, and loving sisters wounded by it.

Recently God has been speaking to her. Despite her vulnerabilities, she is listening and obeying, and in doing so, sharing the aches and pains and the heart beats of her very soul. Friends, please join me in reading a poem penned not just by her hands, but one that flowed from her tender warrior's heart...

The Light

These women Lord-they go into an abortion clinic one person and come out another.
Never to be the same.
Never to be who we once were.
We lose a piece of ourselves in that place.
Not only do we lose our child, we lose ourselves.
We don't realize it at the time.
Relief comes so quickly.
But then pain-numbness-anger-regret
It swallows us, holds us down
Like the raging sea-
But who can we tell?
Who would understand?
We chose this.
We chose to end a life.
We thought we knew best.
We thought we were in control.
Sadly, we lost that control the minute we make the decision to abort our child.
The enemy now has it.
Oh, how he loves it.
He loves where we are.
He can't wait to destroy us.
He loves watching us drown.
He waits and lurks and cheers as we continue to drown.
He wants our ultimate destruction.
He wants us completely destroyed.

But wait......
What's that?
A hand reaching into the abyss.
A light ever so slightly, shining in the darkness.
I can't reach it-
I'm afraid-
I'm trying-I'm kicking-I'm screaming-
but it's so faint, so far away.
Who would dare come down this far?
Who would want to share this place with me?
It's so dark down here-
So lonely-
So heavy-
There is nothing but shame and guilt here.
Who would dare come so close to me?

There it is again!
Only it's a bit brighter now.
Maybe I'm seeing things.
Maybe it's all in my head.
But no, I see it.
The light is getting brighter.
Is someone coming to rescue me?
I'm afraid to hope.
I'm afraid to open myself up.
This pain is too much.

Here He comes.
Who could this be?
Who would dare to rescue me?
The light is so bright now.
The darkness has been swallowed.
Light-precious light
How I missed your warmth
This man I see-
Surrounded in light
Stretching His hand out to me.
Do I take it?
Is it real?
Is there one who can save me?

I am He, he says.
I want your darkness.
I can heal you and make your whole.
He reaches for me.
He brings me to Him.
He embraces me.
Oh the warmth, the light, the peace.

Only HE can heal me.

"But you are a chosen people,
A royal priesthood, a holy nation,
a people belonging to God,
that you may declare the praises
of Him, who called you out of the
darkness into his wonderful light"
1 Peter 2:9

It's time sweet sisters.

It's time to step out of the darkness and into HIS light.

Jennifer's HHRM guest post link.

My introduction of Jennifer to HHRM.

Let us humbly pray:

Father God, here we are, gathered in Your name as we ask for Your light of love and redemption and healing to shine deep into the dark and even scary places of unhealed hearts. Lord, give each of us all that is need to make us whole. Touch our wounds with Your presence. And love us like crazy so that we may walk unabashedly and unashamed and loudly proclaiming Your wondrous shining Light. Thank you Father for sisters who share their hearts and their hope in You! In Jesus' name, Amen.

Holiness

Holiness, as described by Nancy Leigh DeMoss in her book by the same name, is

"the overflow of a heart

that is deeply grateful to have been redeemed

by God from sin...

it is motivated and enabled by the Holy Spirit"

Overflow of a heart.

You mean that since I have accepted Jesus as my Saviour my heart easily will spill holiness?

Yes and no. It depends on you, actually. Yes, God calls you to do just that--to overflow with His holiness:

but as He who called you is holy,

you also be holy in all your conduct,

because it is written, “Be holy, for I am holy.”

...you were not redeemed with corruptible things...

but with the precious blood of Christ

~ 1 Peter 1:15, 16, 18, 19

No, this sloshing over of holiness won't just happen. You, the redeemed, must willingly seek it. You have been forgiven from all of your sins, now act like it. Live like it. Play like it. Love like it. Be like it.

Deeply grateful heart.

You want me to show my gratitude to God by being holy?

Yes, in a simple word, yes.

You have loved righteousness and hated lawlessness;

Therefore God,

Your God,

has anointed You

With the oil of gladness

more than Your companions.

~ Hebrews 1:9

Did you realize that holiness is akin to joy, to gladness? Indeed it is true. They are interconnected as if by heavenly tendons. Just as the body's own tendons connect the muscles to the bones, so too your salvation connects your holiness to your joy. His joy.

When someone gives you a most wonderfully delightful gift, what do you do? You smile at the giver, you beam with joy, and you are glad. Everyone sees this and knows you are grateful.

Motivated and enabled.

So now you are saying that I need to get myself a coach to motivate and enable me to continue on in such a manner?

Again with the yes and no answer.

Yes, you need a "coach." But thankfully in the case of Christians, once we accept Jesus as our Lord and Saviour, boom! we are given a coach for Life. So, no, you don't have to search the want-ads or check the yellow pages, because thankfully The Holy Spirit already lives within us. In fact, He fills us, strengthens us, guides us along this course as we seek holiness.

but He for our profit,

that we may be partakers of His holiness...

yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness

to those who have been trained by it.

~ Hebrews 12:10, 11

Just let Him do His Holy job of coaching you. Pay attention to His cues as He trains you. In fact, come over here and read the list He taped to your section of the gymnasium. Look, He taped it right here, at the mirror.

What Holiness means:

1. to be consecrated or set aside for sacred use--as opposed to pagan or common use

2. standing apart from sin and evil

3. characteristic of God

Training objectives:

1. to realize one cannot set their own self aside for such use

2. to stand apart from sin and evil, but to run full throttle ahead as a part of God

3. to be the most like Him as we are able

How we will meet our goals:

1. know, I mean really know deep into your very soul, that YOU ARE GOD'S, you belong to Him!

2. to flee from evil; to strengthen your Holy muscles by heavy the sin far, far away (take off the sin-laden backpack, toss the things that entrap you and keep your focus from Christ)

3. the woman, the man and the serpent will try to divert your heart and soul, but if you look unto the author and finisher of your race as your very reflection, you will be able to build your character in His holy image

Always remember this...

Holiness is described as "the overflow of a heart that is deeply grateful to have been redeemed by God from sin...it is motivated and enabled by the Holy Spirit"

Let us humbly pray:

Father God, as we seek You today, let us recognize that what we are seeking holiness. It is intertwined with You and it is intertwined with who You want us to be. This "holiness" is not an unachievable proposition, rather is what should exude from our very pores as we are eternally grateful for all You have given and done for us. Lord, bless each one today saying this prayer with everything needed to live a life whole and holy in You. In Jesus name, amen.

* I am reading Holiness by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. I highly recommend this resource. She speaks His heart. Each page is steeped in Truth and sweetened with her ability to teach it.

* What Holiness Means section of note taped to the mirror: points 1-3 taken from the NKJV Life Application Study Bible's concordance/dictionary for the word "holy"

Arterioles

Have you ever used your concordance to read some or all of the "heart" references in the Bible? Wowzer. There are a ton and a half scriptures with a "heart" focused message.

I reckon this means God is concerned with the state of your heart.

Is it joyously beating for Him?

Is it thump-thumping a rhythm reflective of His unwavering love?

If not, why?

Oftentimes we let other things get inside our hearts and as a result, the proper functioning of the arterioles are messed-up. Big time. Arterioles are the small blood vessels that carry oxygenated blood throughout the body. These micro pathways feed the body with life-giving oxygen.

To alter their function means to starve the body's tissues.

Tissues devoid of oxygen die.

Is that what happens with us?

For instance, if we have a heart that heaves with the unhealed wound(s) of abortion (or abuse or neglect or a myriad of other things), we recognize something is wrong and we try to fix it on our own. Perhaps we don't yet know God (like my story) or we ashamedly turn from Him (like I did even after accepting Jesus into my heart). Either way, here we are all on our own.

How does one fix herself?

Some turn to substance abuse, some turn to self-punishment, while others turn aside and cram it way deep down. I was going to say the latter explains me best, but in actuality, all three coping methods have tangled my heart at one time or another. And in hindsight, now I see how all of it was related to my post-abortion trauma. My unhealed heart. My tormented soul. My disheveled mind.

- substance abuse

Drinking one too many beers or glasses of wine to take the edge off. I blamed it on the alcoholic roots of my family tree. Easily.

- self-punishment

Punishing myself by thinking that every "bad" thing that happened to me was something I deserved. As if it was actually some sort of badge of dishonor I had earned.

- cram it way deep down

Stuffing it into the depths of my soul. Oh, I was so good at that. So good that I soon forgot I was doing it. And this too was discovered once I was healed and was able to look back with clarity. My attitudes and relationships and assumptions about myself and others were tainted with this evil of unforgiveness.

Remember those itty-bitty, life-giving arterioles I talked of earlier?

Those life-giving vessels are akin to His words and promises. In the midst of an attacked heart, those little vessels carry oxygen-rich blood to body tissues. Friends, let God's words and promises do the same for you. Let Him flood those damaged places with Truth and love and forgiveness and redemption. Don't resist as He pumps His healing and renewing through the pathways of your heart. And soul.

You wonder how that big old Book crammed with His Words can heal your broken places. You wonder how God could forgive even you. I know from experience that these are common thoughts. But I am here to tell you that God is an uncommon Healer! All He wants is your heart. He will do the rest. He knows your tissues are starved and are dying.

He will hold your hand. He will heal you from the inside out. He will infiltrate your heart with life-giving Truth and never-ending Love. Ah, but there is one catch--He cannot do it alone. That is right. He cannot do it alone. You must willingly and earnestly seek Him.

Run down the corridors desperately seeking Him and shouting His name. He will hear you.

But from there you will seek the LORD your God,

and you will find Him

if you seek Him

with all your heart

and with all your soul.

~ Deuteronomy 4:29

Run down the corridors until your strength is gone and your heart is thumping wildly against your chest and you fall on your face while your soul is gasping for Him. He will heal and restore you!

You shall love the LORD your God

with all your heart, with all your soul,

and with all your strength.

And these words which I command you today

shall be in your heart.

~ Deuteronomy 6:5-6

Let us humbly pray:

Father God, here we are today. Running to You, The Healer of our hearts and the Restorer of our minds. Fill us with You, Your Truth, Your Love, Your forgiveness. Fill us with all that we need so that our hearts joyously beat for You. Fill us with every single thing that causes our hearts to thump a rhythm reflective of Your unwavering love. Lord, hear the hollers of these precious ones who seek You with their whole hearts and all of their strength. Heal them as only You can. In Jesus' name, Amen.

A Part

that means that anyone who tries to live by his own effort, independent of God, is doomed to failure. Scripture backs this up: "Utterly cursed is every person who fails to carry out every detail written in the Book of the law."

The obvious impossibility...should make it plain that no one can sustain a relationship with God that way.

The person who lives in right relationship with God does it by embracing what God arranges for him.

(Galatians 3:9-11 The Message)

Are you the odd one out?

Why?

Because you are set aside by God?

Or because you are running from Him?

those minds the god of this age has blinded, who do not believe,

lest the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ,

who is the image of God, should shine on them.

(2 Corinthians 4:4)

And no wonder!

For Satan himself transforms himself

into an angel of light.

(2 Corinthians 11:14)

When we set ourselves apart (definition: "separated or at a distance") from God,

we are more a part (definition: "something determined in relation to something that includes it") of the world.

And we become less a part of Him. When that happens, the rotten, nasty little enemy has an easier task of wringing hearts and twisting minds.

Where are you?

Apart from God? I hope not. Because in such a situation where you have let go of God and/or you have not fully grasped hold of His righteous promises, you are vulnerable. Vulnerable for attack.

Wouldn't you rather be here?

A part of His heart and mind? This is the only safe place to be. And the only way to get here and stay here is by spending time with Him. Sink yourself into His Word. Humble yourself at His feet. Kneel before Him in earnest prayer. Grab hands of others in His midst. You are not alone. Not alone, not ever.

Friends, once you are free in Him, then you will shine apart from the world, but always as a part of Christ and His enduring love!

Let us pray:

Father God, I lift up all those reading this today. I lift them right into Your trusting, forgiving, and everlasting arms of righteousness and Truth. Lord, give each one of us strength today to wildly run to you. Give each courage to leave behind the world's nonsense about who we are. Instead, fill us with Your love and courage--give us all we need this day. As each of us struggles to free ourselves from our past, wrap each one gently in Your care. And only when we are ready, set us to shine as a part of You. For You. For Christ. In Jesus' name, amen.

* tulip photo is from my other place...

* all scripture quoted from New King James Version, unless otherwise cited